Geometry Lecture

A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space. “How did you like it?” the mathematician wants to know after the talk. “My head’s spinning,” the engineer confesses. “How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?” “Well, it’s not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in n-dimensional space and then set n = 13.”

Erotic Number

Q: What is the most erotic number?

A: 2110593!

Q: Why? A: When 2 are 1 and don’t pay at10tion, they’ll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they’ll be 3.

Descartes

So Descartes goes into a bar late one night for a beer.

At closing time, the bartender makes Last Call and asks him, “Get you another?”

Descartes replies, “I think not.” And disappears.

A Team of Engineers

A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: “Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!”

Equation

Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money

Therefore, Men – earn money = Donkeys In other words,

Men that don’t earn money = Donkeys

Statistician’s Twins

A statistician’s wife had twins. He was delighted. He rang the minister who was also delighted. “Bring them to church on Sunday and we’ll baptize them,” said the minister. “No,” replied the statistician. “Baptize one. We’ll keep the other as a control.”

Math and Sex

Maths is like s*x…

ADD the bed

MINUS the clothes

DIVIDE the legs

and pray you don’t MULTIPLY.

Don’t Ask

What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?” “She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me.” “I don’t believe that she cheated on you!” “Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns…”

Hot Air Balloon Joke

A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and he’s lost. So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:”Can you tell me where I am, and which way I’m headed?” “Sure! You’re at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You’re at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you’re hovering, but on your way in here you were at a speed of 1.83 meters per second at 1.929 radians” “Thanks! By the way, are you a statistician?” “I am! But how did you know?” “Everything you’ve told me is completely accurate; you gave me more detail than I needed, and you told me in such a way that it’s no use to me at all!” “Dang! By the way, are you a principal investigator?” “Geeze! How’d you know that?” “You don’t know where you are, you don’t know where you’re going. You got where you are by blowing hot air, you start asking questions after you get into trouble, and you’re in exactly the same spot you were a few minutes ago, but now, somehow, it’s my fault!”

Teacher-Student Joke

Teacher asks student: What is the half of 8?

Student: Miss horizontally or vertically?

Teacher: What do mean?

Student: Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3.

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